The daemon invasion
This post was going to be about citronella candles, and how they’re much more useless than advertised. I made a disturbing realization though, that has eclipsed my annoyance that foul smelling candles don’t deter bugs even half so well as they repel humans.
I was sitting on the couch, enjoying a cup of coffee and a book when I noticed a bouncing dot above my candles. “Weird,” I thought “the thing’s hanging around the citronella candles. Guess they don’t work very well.” Then I watched the bug for a bit.
It took a millisecond or so before I realized it was not a bouncing bug, but an evil daemonling or more specifically, a spider. It looked like it was bouncing because it was building a web at an improbable angle in midair over the candles (I assume to catch all the bugs zooming away from its awful stench. Joke’s on you, Spiderfiend. The candles don’t work)
“How odd” I mused. “Most of the house spiders we get aren’t web spinners. They dangle from time to time (long enough for me to get whacked in the face with a spider and ruin my peace of mind for a week) and spin themselves into corners with a meshy kind of nest thing (I assume this is for the purpose of laying eggs that will burst at inopportune times (which is any time, if I’m being honest) into hundreds of teeny deamons that will cannibalise one another, growing larger and larger until they can create portals into the netherworld and summon their master who lives beyond the deepest reaches of horror, who will then haunt my nightmares until my sanity packs up and moves to the moon where spiders cannot go), maybe I’d better have a closer look so I know what type of deamons beset me (and my hapless candles)”
Do you recognize him?
It’s a freaking Orchard Orb Weaver! Eating his web and spinning a new one every day in my freaking living room! I believe that I specifically said that I did NOT want them in my house.
I considered moving.
Then I went and woke Fraser Arachnemesis and he “took care of” the problem. I did not watch or ask too many questions but I assume that the spider is now finally in a beautiful -the scariest orchard ever- somewhere, communing with deamons from beyond the reaches of terror.